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The smell of a cold half eaten burger and chicken nuggets was mingling with the scent of cold seeping in through the cracked car windows. The scenery of Harpersville Road around twilight with a close friend too tired to drive teetering in and out of consciousness in the passenger seat was all too familiar. I'd been there before so many times in the past. It was a long forgotten dream; or maybe even a nightmare with a silver lining, revisited. My awful escape from the grim reality of what brought me to Virginia for the first time nearly eight years ago was a retreat that led me to befriend some of the most wonderfully complicated, beautiful, strange, broken and resilient people I've ever met in my life.
With every mile I saw something that brought fond and at times horrible memories to the surface. It made me wonder if I was a different person than I was back then. Had I really changed like everyone had said or was it just my mantra of environment dictating behavior? I pondered it a bit as I headed south towards Norfolk. Most of those who had shared those moments with me are too far away or so detached from me that I couldn't ask their opinion; I'm not even sure I'd want it. Most of them were just as flawed and broken as I had been. Misery doesn't just love company, but it also likes room mates.
When I finally was able to take off later that evening I stared out the window and tried to see how many landmarks I could recognize. I had a memory for almost all of them. Leaving and coming back made me realize I had changed. Texas hadn't changed me, the experience of living in Virginia had changed me; it just hadn't surfaced until I had left there. I took with me the realization that I wasn't as flawed as I thought and I was better than what I had let myself be. Circumstances while there were beyond my control and my only alternative was to sink further into that abysmal hell that Virginia so easily provides to those who will let themselves take up residence in it.
I don't know why I'm nervous, but I am. I shouldn't be; I'm not the one getting married!